Always Alone
by Kirei Ryuusei
Summary: Kamui's thoughts throughout X as people have come and gone in his life, and in the end leave him to bear the eternal sadness death, saying good-bye, and betrayal bring.


**Always Alone**

_Kamui, despite his colossal responsibility, has a pretty descent life but that doesn't stop him from thinking about the reality of the situation. How in the end is for him__._

If I wasn't 'Kamui' maybe life would be better, maybe worse, maybe less lonely. For most of my life the only ones in my life, the only ones that were close to me was my oka-san and everyone at the Togakushi Shrine. No one else seemed to exist. However it started to change once oka-san talked about 'destiny' and how I would decide it one day.

The day after she began telling me about 'destiny' Saya-oba-chan died. I heard that she was in pieces, as if something exploded within her. Oka-san had us move away. Never was I able to mourn for Saya-oba-chan. Not even tell my other precious people good-bye.

Okinawa became my new home, and this is where I began to feel 'lonely'. I started school like a 'normal' kid. Maybe she hoped for my loneliness to leave, but it only expanded. I wanted to keep oka-san happy so I tried to be average but I couldn't control my powers. Once other children saw my powers they began to shun me.

Friendly smiles became frightened grimaces. Just the sight of me scared them as they fled. School was always the last place I ever wanted to be. Demo...I still had oka-san...who made the bitterness of my school life fade. Until...she said that one day she would die. My heart seemed to skip beats. To die and leave me alone? Please no...I was selfish, but I couldn't take this feeling...this empty feeling...

Getting older some of the students saw me as some tough guy that could take anyone. I'd always help them but as soon as their problem was solved, I was unneeded once more. Multiple occasions I wondered why I helped. But deep within myself I knew the answer. I wanted to be needed. To be important even if it was just temporary. However after each time the feeling of sinking grew until I thought one day I'd be swallowed into the ground.

That day seemed to come as I was returning home from being out. A vibrant mixture of orange and yellow light rose into the sky before transforming into a black mist. The direction of the flames pointed to my residence. I rushed for my oka-san. Within the walls of burning fury I found her, my first precious person burning...I scream her name as she tells me her dying wish, an invisible wall stopping me. As the flames nipple at my skin, I remain there, crying until there was nothing to comfort me but ashes. The pang I felt when I Saya-oba-chan passed throbbed worse. 2 people that I care for were now dead, had now left me.

After oka-san was gone, I came to a conclusion. If I remained close to those whom I love more than my own life, they'd die. On that day I painfully decided a path of desolation, even if it tore me to shreds. I hated the solitude but the ache I felt at just the thought of them dying paralyzes me.

"Kamui-chan is it you? I'm Kotori from the Togakushi Shrine" she calls. How my body screams to turn and hold her within my embrace as I run from her "Kamui-chan!"

"Don't annoy me" _Don't leave. _I tell her.

"What?"

Not even my powers could help the lump forming in my throat "Please don't talk to me."

Her songbird-like voice asks "Why?"

"I am..." all the strength within my body was used to force my words out "completely different from six years ago"

"....Kamui..." I couldn't bear to stare at the tears within her eyes "...I'm really sorry...You're right...Since then it's already been six years...I'm sorry that I gave you trouble" _Kotori, don't leave...don't leave me to the silence of this invisible prison..._I listened as her footsteps receded.

Kotori, Fuuma not you too. I held her head within my arms as Fuuma's words echoed in my head. I had no one, no one to live for, no one that I cared for, no one to help me bear this sadness. I despised this sensation that was surging through me and I repeated to myself, I had no one.

Within my heart, I met him for the first time. Sumeragi Subaru. I didn't know what compelled me to him. Was his voice? That calmness and all-knowing aura that emitted from him, like oka-san? Was his compassion? That gentleness that I held Kotori dear for? Was his warmth? The sense of security like Fuuma had never failed to shield me with? I couldn't understand it even as his pale hands held onto me. Could this be an escape from my own tormenting seclusion?

The Ten no Ryu, the Seven Seals...they greet me with warm smiles and cheer, the ones I'd long for as a child. Though the adults, Karen, Seiichiro, and Subaru were one I'd see scarcely: never once had they not remind me of Saya-oba-chan and Kyogo-oji-san. Genuine concern etched on their faces. I went to school with the other Seals, Arashi, Sorata, and Yuzuriha. Bright and ensuring my health...it felt like Fuuma and Kotori never departed.

I would believe that my reclusion would cease but the spasms of destitute continued and became more frequent as I found out. After this battle, the friendliness would vanish as they would be either deceased or answer the call home, to their precious people...All of them...Sorata, Arashi, Yuzuriha, Karen, Seiichiro, even Subaru...every time just thinking about it deepened the sorrow.

Now as I lay here with this sword to me chest I wonder...I'm supposed to create a kekkai like all Ten no Ryu can but I know now...there is no one for me. No reason for me to protect because all I'm always left succumbing to the agonizing misery, to the melancholic isolation. I am no Seven Seal for I am always alone in this dark hell.

Meh…I wasn't too please with this one. I will understand if it's no very good to you but please do not yell or spit, I'm cry easy…


End file.
